


Pills and Kisses (Dropped until motivation is regained)

by Sweet_Kurage



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Boys In Love, Depression, Dorks, First Love, Firsts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Schizophrenia, Volleyball Dorks in Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 13:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15244170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweet_Kurage/pseuds/Sweet_Kurage
Summary: "This is the story on how I met the love of my life." Kageyama Tobio stated, sitting next to his niece on her bed, her orange and familiar locks in a tight ponytail as her eyes casted on his dear uncle. Little did she know, that her two precious uncles had been through the same she was now, her expression softening as she realized Kageyama's gentle smile, making visible some wrinkles on the sides of his eyes. A warm, large hand put away one loose strand of hair, she heard the deep and calm voice of her uncle. "Well...it all began one day, a bunch of years ago, at the hospital you see..."





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [all the ones that made this journey a thing to remember](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=all+the+ones+that+made+this+journey+a+thing+to+remember).



> Warning! Please don't read if you're sensitive to the mention of mental health issues! Depression and Schyzophrenia are a very present subject on this AU, reader discretion is advised.  
> If you're okay with that, go ahead and read as much as you like.

//Kageyama Tobio's Bedroom//

"A certain dark is needed to see the stars shine."  
That was what one of his psichyatrists told him one day, a few months ago. He held somewhat warm feelings towards the old lady. She was short, her face full of wrinkles, her glasses dangling from her neck to her stomach often, her way too long white coat for her height, those old fashioned shoes...her messy short hair and her sweet and warm way of treating him.  
He knew that it was her job, of course, but his other doctor didn't feel the same.  
The other was a young one. Her hair long and blonde, average height and rather skinny. Her dark eyes didn't seem to convince Tobio of her words, he didn't believe nor listen to the blonde young doctor. "Kageyama, you have to take your pills and make a small effort to go outside...we only want the best for you, alright?" She said that, but something in her didn't fit. It didn't sound reassuring, it didn't sound...good. It was mechanical, monotone, that was why he didn't like this one at all. Besides...she was the one at fault of him being hospitalized next morning...  
Tobio sighed and brought his hands to his face, slowly sitting in the middle of his bed. Lurking in the darkness of the night, some animal rustled in a bush near his window, which made him come back to his senses at once. He got up, making his way towards the open window and closed it. It was starting to feel too warm, he was going to turn on the air conditioner.  
What month were they in now? He lost count long ago.  
The black haired boy walked up to his nightstand and cautiously explored its surface with the tip of his fingers. He found his phone.

"June 23rd  
04:27 AM  
1978 Messages Unread  
21 Missed Calls"

What? June already?...He's been four entire months inside his room?...Well, maybe the doctor was right, this may have got a bit out of hand...  
But, still. What was the big deal? He didn't go to school for a reason. He didn't want to live, as the word's definition suggests, he had decided that long ago. Why? No reason at all and lots of things at the same time.  
He bit his lip and shook his head, raising his eyes to vaguely appreciate his facial features on the mirror beside his bed.  
He was pale, very pale. His eyes looked devoid of any sign of life whatsoever, his hair messy and greasy. Oh yeah, he had to shower...but it was...no, he didn't want to shower, he'd see it again...not ready, not ready yet.  
He examined his body now. His clothes hanging looser than before. Had he lost weight? How long was it since he ate some proper food?  
He recalled getting up once the sun's out and its long quiet, walking to the fridge and quickly shutting himself up again, he would take one or two bites off of a pork bun, immediately leaving it again on his nightstand and going back to sleep.  
It felt so good, sleeping for so long, it was like not existing at all, it was bliss. Nothing but void, it felt like being dead, which he wished he was, but couldn't accomplish at all.  
Since when was he like that? How did it happen? He didn't remember at all, it was long ago, a thing of past events, so he doesn't remember.  
Tobio's head hurts now, his breath has become shaky and his fists are tightly shut, he knew if he kept himself awake for any more longer he would do something bad, he didn't need that now, he wanted to be at peace.  
The once setter's muscles, that now felt smaller and weaker gave him the impression to be about to give up, so he laid back on his bed again, closing his eyes and trying to fall back to sleep.  
Tears rolled profusely down his cheeks. He was so, so tired.

//Hinata Shouyou's Bedroom//

"It's not real, It's not real, It's not real-"  
Shouyou whimpered sitting on his bed, his back pressed against the wall and his hands on the sides of his head, pulling on his hair without any care for it at all, tears streaming down from his eyes into the bed sheets. He tried to focus on imagining those tears colliding against the cloth, melting into it and spreading a bit after, making it a bigger circle of moisture.  
But he couldn't.  
They wouldn't shut up, they didn't want him to sleep tonight, it was degradating, it was driving him insane.  
'You should die.' 'Freak!' 'Nobody loves people like you.' 'Come, jump off the window, do it, do it!' 'I'll gouge your eyes out.' 'You worthless piece of shi-'

"Stop it already... please... stop. Stop...Stop!!"  
The ginger haired boy's whimpers made his whole tiny body tremble, his hands tightly clamped onto his pillow.  
He didn't notice his mother stomp into his room rushedly, her eyes glassy and red from the sudden scream his son let out at such late hours, disrrupted sleep clear on her face.  
"Darling, shh shh, I'm here, mom's here, everything's fine..." Hinata's mother ran her fingers through her son's hair sweetly, kissing the top of his head repeatedly and keeping him close with her free arm.  
Then Shouyou said something that completely broke her heart, something she never wanted to hear from her dear older son, yet she knew she'd had to face since they told her what her son suffered from.  
"Mom please don't let me die, I don't want to die, but they want to kill me..." They boy paused, hot tears still racin down his reddened cheeks, holding tightly to his mother's night gown. Trying to compose his next words, he breathed out, quivering, scared.  
"Mom, help me live, please."  
She knew she had to take a decision as soon as she heard those words.  
"Darling, we are going to pack you some things alright? Mom'll drive you to the hospital tomorrow and the doctors will take care of you for a while, they will do you good, alright? Let's go pick your favorite clothes and jammies, Shoyou."  
With that, Hinata just nodded and stared at his mother absentmindedly. His train of thought just stopped, mind fully blank. The voices had gone away, for the moment, and the boy couldn't keep his eyelids open anymore.  
His eyes shut close and his body slowly lay down on his futon. Last thing he felt were a pair of lips touch his forehead and a warm, cozy sensation embrace his very core, and he smiled.


	2. Your eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Car rides are chill, most times. Summaries are not my thing, have two boys. Aaand their moms. Boom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natsu is a blessing please love Natsu as much as I do. Also please bear with Kags he's really sensitive on the first chapters.

Kageyama woke up at 9 am, much to his dismay. His mother had prepared his backpack with clothing and hygiene products, he wasn't able to bring razors at the psychiatric hospital, so he'd look like big foot by the end of a week or so... Nice.

The blueberry boy dressed slowly, forced to at least wash his head earlier. His hair looked acceptable at the very least.  
His old black and grey Converse, the shirt he loved so much that read "Setter Soul" in white letters, and a pair of short dark grey jeans were his attire.  
Tobio silently sat on the passenger seat plugging his earphones in, letting the music envelop his senses as the engine started moving towards his dreaded destination.  
He could not possibly bear a entire month locked away together with people he didn't even know. He just hoped for the best to happen.

The familiar roar coming from the engine and the view becoming mobile now made it clear that they were moving. Towards the dreaded destination, the place he'd spend over a month in. 'This is bullshit. I may need...help, but this is utter and complete bullshit.' He thought, his eyelids closing trying to evade reality once more. Two hours would do for a quick nap, right?... But, who could sleep knowing they were going to be hospitalized. Tobio recalled the times he'd been in the emergencies section over the past two to three years. Yeah, he wasn't exactly doing right for himself, but on the other hand, who cares? With that last thought, his mind drifted away to sleep, a sleep devoid of any dreams or any scenario, it was empty. 

Miss Kageyama looked over to the sleeping figure of her dear only son, her eyes became glassy soon after thinking she wouldn't see her sweet boy for a long time.  
If a few hours, back when he still went to school already killed her...what would she do those entire lonely days?  
The blonde doctor already told her the schedule to come visit, but at the moment she could not come see her son.  
The black haired woman took a sharp breath in and tried to hold back tears, in complete silence, hands on the wheel and eyes on the road. Two hours from now, she'll be giving her son to complete strangers...yes, they were professionals, but that wouldn't change the fact that she didn't even know them.  
Her foot losened on the accelerator, earning a loud honk from the car behind. 'Am I hesitating to save my dear baby's life?' She frowned, just like the boy next to her did often, stepping steadily again on the pedal and keeping her mind on the road, turning on the classical music radio station she had almost always already set. This was for the future of her Tobio. She had to stay firm, she couldn't stand seeing those familiar deep blue eyes glassed over, that frown that felt almost as her own, and... those shirts and towels she always had to try and wash the blood off of it without breaking into tears. She knew she hadn't been the best mother ever, not even close...But she-...no, he didn't deserve this. Her beautiful, kind and lovely baby didn't deserve any of this. Her expression now turned into a determined one, her dark brown eyes seemed to spark with some small trace of hope. She definetly wasn't letting this happen for any longer. If this meant leaving her son with other people, leaving her completely alone, then so be it.  
A sudden pain filled her chest remembering how her son looked at her in the past few months.  
She'd seen that look a lot in her life. It was just like...just like his. A disgusted and angered look, devoid of any kind feeling. It was obvious that the boy was oblivious to that fact, which she secretly thanked the heavens for. She knew Tobio didn't exactly like her, but she hoped he'd understand her when he recovered, when his mind cleared up a little bit...she only could hope for now.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Hinata's usual teeth filled smile shined for it's absence that cloudy morning. His sister slept on the backseat of the small car, sprawled all over the seats, a blanket barely covering her lower half as her upper half was left out of it. A fluffy plush was tightly gripped by a pair of small hands, Natsu's mouth agape letting out soft snores, and drool. Shouyou found it adorable, he wanted to giggle at the sight, comment on it with his mother, take a picture to pester his dear sister later...but he didn't feel up to it, not at all.  
"Shouyou, my dear...you know we are doing this only because it has...kind of...gotten out of hand lately...alright? You know perfectly fine that we love you deeply and that you'll be out soon...because you'll be better soon...alright?" His mother's voice didn't seem directed at him at all, not at least on the last sentence. She sounded as if she were trying to reassure herself, she sounded... tired. She sounded sad, and as if tears were about to well up in her eyes and break free at any given moment.  
"Mom, I know, it's okay, I love you both, okay?" The ginger boy extended his warm palm towards the woman's shoulder, squeezing it gently and smiling at her, tenderly. Miss Hinata felt the heavy weight on her chest lighten a bit, she let out a long sigh, pressing her lips on a firm line after that, trying to form a small smile for her son and at the same time control her emotions. "Dear...You are always so sweet...so good...yet why...?" Her lashes batted rapidly a few times trying to hold in the tears. A sharp breath followed by a small head shook. "I'm sorry baby, mom's very sorry, ignore me, okay? Keep on reading that manga you bought, hm?"

His brown eyes looked intently into his mother's identical ones. A bright smile decorating his lips and a small giggle escaping his lips. "Mom, It's alright, illnesses don't choose their host based in how they are or who they are...And roger that, It's very interesting, you should read it sometime! It's about this guy who's very good at every-...Mom? Oh mom...Please don't cry..."  
The caramel haired woman drove to the side of the road, making sure she didn't bother any other driver, she stopped the car and sat there in silence, sobbing, tears rolling down her cheeks, lassitude marked in her soft features.

"I-it's just that-... I...I know dear but...ah...Shouyou, you..." Her eyes looked over to the seat right next to her, an exact pair of big bright eyes staring right back, a very obvious expression of worry plastered on the young teen's face, she didn't realize until now that her son's hand was protectively over hers, squeezing it gently. "You're just like your father, you know that?..." The boy's expression seemed confused now, a small smile appearing on his lips. As soon as he knew it, a pair of arms wrapped themselves around his, giving him a tight hug. Oh, his mother's famous 'constrictor hug'. He laughed shortly, then coughed for the lack of air on his lungs, making his mother laugh and dry her tears with the rim of her sleeve. "I love you mom, I love you, and Natsu...and dad, very much." Miss Hinata laughed shortly, nervously, an obvious feeling of heartache present in her eyes warned Shouyou that he shouldn't have mentioned...him, just yet, even if she did previously, she gets more sensitive with stuff when he says it. Hinata missed his father, just like mom and Natsu did. 

He missed how he tugged mom over his shoulders and supplexed her to the sofa, making her all laughter and cackles from all the tickling. How he was a disaster when it came to cooking and at some point he accidentally sent them to the hospital for a stomach cleanse. How whenever Natsu threw a tantrum, he'd tickle her and smooch her all over until she stopped frowning, then taking them all on a night out, having dinner at their favorite fast food restaurant. He loved his family, he loved it deeply. But just like he was diagnosed with...this; his father happened to suffer from an accident. An accident that ended his life as well as it took his mother's, well, metaphorically speaking. He didn't ask to suffer from a mental illness, as well as his father didn't ask to be shot to death in a mine field together with lots of his friends.  
His thoughts slowly came back to reality, he had forgotten what happened in those...seconds, minutes? He wasn't sure, but the view from his window seemed to be moving again, his belt was on it's place again, as well as his mother's. Her eyes had bags under them, they were subtle now that she put on a bit of makeup, but he knew what was underneath that product. Shouyou didn't realize until now that his mouth was closed tightly, teeth gritting. His whole body felt tense somehow, so he let out a long sigh, stretching his arms on his seat and taking his manga out from below the passenger seat, reading it in silence trying to recall what happened before. Did he space out, for real? As he tried to remember, the words came like lightning to his mind.

"We love you too, dear...all three of us do, did and will."  
After what felt like maybe half an hour, the sour smile on his lips disappeared quickly after noticing the car was slowing down. They were entering the parking of the hospital. His stomach felt unsettled all of a sudden, his body doubling over with a pained yet comical expression on his face.

"Uhm, mom, I need to go to the toilet, before anything else..."  
A little girl's and a woman's laughter echoed lightly over the parking lot, making the short boy's cheek flush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not to worry, we'll know better about Kageyama's family on the next chapters, so yeah! See you in the next update!


	3. Questions

It was surprisingly a nice place. Tobio thought, as he stared at the white ceiling of his room. Everything was clean, too clean. White, too white. And... controled... too controled. There were cameras everywhere, literally. Except in their bathroom, which sadly, was closed for most of the day, only opened twice. At bedtime, around 11pm for some, 9pm for others, and when they woke up at 8am.  
Ocean blue eyes scanned the room once more, bored. Same as the other twelve times he did, he listed everything he saw in his mind. There were two simple beds, a just okay sized, shared wardrobe where he rembers his roommate struggling to fit his belongings in, two round bright light bulbs endowed to the ceiling, keeping the whole 'simple and clean' look of the place. He noticed this time his roommate had some posters on his wall, one of Audrey Hepburn, the other of what seemed like some kind of cartoon show about a kid and his alien moms, he had heard it announced on the TV from downstairs, one of those days he was holed up in his room, trying to sleep his life away. Seemed fun, he thought.  
His gaze kept staring at his partner's wall, noticing small pictures closer to bed level, almost hidden if you didn't look close enough. There were pictures of a family, a man with a warm, wide smile across his face, a woman, her eyes almost beaming, she looked overjoyed, she looked delighted...

And then there were two little figures, the one of which he assumed was his roommate, and his presumably little sister, who seemed to be only months old in that picture. Kageyama smiled to himself subconsciously, he didn't notice the small curve on his lips until his train of thought got cut by an agonized scream comming from 'the break room'. He had been hearing the same person's screams since last night, well, he got here around lunch time yesterday, so it was starting to annoy him, greatly.

Kageyama got up from his bed, fully aware of the cameras monitoring him and decided he would do as told and make his bed, as well as, as much as he hated it, going to the public ward, with the rest of the patients. Hinata was terrified, it was threatening to harm him, again, it had been attacking him way more frequently since last night, after he cried his eyes out when Natsu and his mother left. He heard it, but he couldn't see it, he was fighting against nothing, but something at the same time. Shouyou was trying his best to focus on the lady that was with him, her hand on his shoulder, gently telling him to focus on her eyes and sing with her. Caramel brown eyes darted from side to side across the room, finally shutting themselves to calm down. "Come on Shouyou, you can follow the tune, your mom told me she sang this one with you, hm?" The nurse spoke gently, it really felt nice having her soft voice over the rough, threatening ones in his head, behind his back, over his head...  
Anya, as it read on her nametag, started humming the tune to one of his favorite disney movie songs. The beauty and the beast. It was specifically Tale as old as time, he loved that one. He focused on the lady's humming and his own mouthed the lyrics, trembling, carefully, he started to sing, his voice was small, fragile, but it still sounded fine, cute even, given the context of the situation, in a little twisted sense, maybe.

 

Right when his eyes were beginning to open, he heard soft breathing against the door of the room he was in, he panicked slightly, but he calmed down when he heard a small, deep voice.

"Nice song."

Followed by light steps drifting away, the unknown figure disappeared down the hallway, seemingly going to the public ward.  
Anya stared at the door intently, then looked at Hinata forcing a small smile, she was clearly distressed by the fact that another patient got out of his room and interfered with hers. Nonetheless, she shook that expression away and replaced it with her usual brand smile, helping the boy up, since he had been sitting on the floor, his legs had gone a bit antsy.

"Hey, do you know who's voice that was Shouyou? You seemed to relax after hearing them!" Said the nurse, warm but firmly, her inquisitive tone made her soft and bubbly personality falter for a second. After a few moments of hesitation, he responded. "No, but I do feel better now...." There was silence... silence, finally. Those horrible voices were finally quiet.

\---------------

Silence... thanks to that voice.

This was a room full of diversity, to word it nicely. Tobio tried to mantain a stern, apathetic look on his face as he silently and cautiously studied his new mates. A bunch of girls were talking in a corner, they were all packed in the small spot, looking awfully sickly and thin. Those must be the girls with eating disorders, he thought.  
On the long tables, sitting quietly reading a magazine and making string bracelets were some other kids, just minding their thing. However, as soon as one of them raised their arm, the deep scars and wounds were quite visible, if not, bloody knuckles or cigarrete burns on their hands begged for attention, patience and care from afar.

Kageyama snorted. Of course, he wasn't one to talk, he was just as guilty.

What made Tobio's heart suddenly sink, feeling strangely sad, a kind of sadness he didn't feel often, was that there were kids. But not kids like him or other teenagers that were hanging around, kids as in 8 year olds or less. Why were they here? As minutes passed by, he could guess some were here because of mental disorders, such as violent impulses, mental deficiency, and such. But one of them looked completely normal, it was a little girl, long blondish hair, light blue eyes and dolly face, pale as snow and freckles all over her small face. Adorable was a poor way to describe her. But then he noticed. She had scars on her tiny arms, on her legs when she kicked around, even on her neck there were some strange red marks. 

That messed him up for a moment. What must she be going through, so young, so fragile? He thought to himself, but as soon as he tried to get up from his seat and go talk to that little girl, who seemed to get along really well with the rest, there was a female voice he recalled hearing last night when he was half awake half asleep. Damn, everything was happening too fast, his brain needed time to process all this new stuff.

"You just have to enjoy yourself, distract yourself, talk about stuff with them, they are all very nice children, okay, Shouyou?"

... Shouyou... Shouyou? Where did he hear that name before?  
"Yes ma'am, I'm good at making friends anyway." Said a male voice, he sounded around his age, but he couldn't guess much more than that, yet he enjoyed hearing his voice, it sounded familiar, comforting.

Then, eyes blue as the ocean and eyes like the sun itself collided, their owners feeling something, something that felt like fluttering in their stomachs, something serene, warm and at the same time, electric.

"Who are you?" Tobio murmured, mostly to himself, but the question was legitimate and it had many meanings. 

Hinata adverted his gaze for a moment, apparently overwhelmed by the intensity of their short visual exchange. When he looked back, he smiled at him.

And Kageyama froze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was actually already posted on Wattpad, i just got done with the site and i'm currently retouching it as i post it here.  
> Also whoops, guess we'll have a family chapter later on, sorry about that uwu


	4. New Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's- It's just, guys being dudes. That's it.

Hinata was sitting silently while staring in awe at the black haired boy next to him. Kageyama was somewhere between embarassed, at edge, and watching Moulin Rouge as that was what they put on screen now.  
"...So! Do you like the movie?! I do! I always liked how the intro comes up! Anyway, you have beutiful eyes, they look so pretty! Two deep oceans, just deepening endlessly and- Oh! You looked at me! Nice!" The caramel eyed boy smiled from ear to ear, letting a small giggle escape his lips. Kageyama was looking keenly at Shouyou, his eyes surveying every reaction he had. And his voice, it was so full of life, beaming and exploding in his ears all it's emotion.   
He... he hated it. How could someone as lively, annoyingly friendly, overly excited and bright be in a place like this? He felt sick, all of a sudden, he felt his stomach churn and twist in displeasure, or so he thought, as no nausea hit him, no physical symptom at all. What was this feeling? If he had to piece this sensations all together it led to something along the lines of jealousy and... what, jealousy?   
Tobio didn't even finish his self stopped train of thought when the smaller boy shot another row of words, blathering at him. He was full of nonsense, and it irritated him, greatly.  
"H-hey uhm... like... I enjoy you looking at me so intently b-but uh...it's starting to be a little embarassing... hehe..." The orange haired boy casted his gaze to a remote corner on the floor. What did he say again? Kageyama felt guilt as soon as he noticed two facts, one, he was indeed being rude for staring subconsciously so much and even thinking he was talking nonsense, and two, he didn't even want to stop nor respond, he just wanted to keep staring at this annoying, yet curious boy.   
Deep blue eyes slowly casted aside as a very subtle blush appeared on the owner's cheeks.   
"...Yes, sorry."  
Hinata was perplexed. So many feelings he could give with a simple look, yet his words were amazingly too few and too lacking. How interesting! Was this boy his age? Why was he here? Why was he so intense and passive at the same time? Did he stay long here? Did his parents come visit if so? Did he get his pretty eyes from his mom, or his dad?   
Shouyou was about to shot all those questions but, somehow, the only thing that came out of his mouth was a simple, weak and even shy response. "It's okay, I... don't mind..."  
Now he witnessed something spectacular. The raven haired boy looked over at him again, his lips pressed in a firm tense line as a beautiful shade of rose tinted his cheeks, though he didn't think the other one was aware of this, and Hinata thanked the heavens for that, at first glance, it seems like if he knew, he would get up and leave to hide his cute blush away.  
Shouyou smiled brightly, his cheeks a slight shade of rose too, he assumed that he was blushing, so he tried to look back at the tv again. Oh, the tango scene, nice!  
Kageyama coughed lightly, looking at the caramel eyed boy once again as he proceeded to silently watch the movie. Then he began to speak quietly, his eyes pretending to care for what the movie was offering.  
"Name's Kageyama, Kageyama Tobio. And I... like your eyes too, shrimpy boy." Tobio was mortified by his own words, did he just casually adress the boy with a rather insulting nickname and compliment him in the span of three seconds?  
The small one bolted in his chair, eyes darting to furiously clash against his blue ones. Fuck.  
"Excuse you!! I'm just growing at a slower pace, thank you very much!"  
Well, that was unexpectedly cute.  
Kageyama looked away as he felt a small smile fight it's way against his firmly pressed lips, but it was no use, he had already lost the battle.  
Shouyou smiled accordingly. He looked so nice with a smile on his face! He should smile more often! His usual scowl face wasn't bad at all, but it could scare some people off.  
After hesitating and also coming back to reality, Shouyou responded.  
"...I'm Hinata, Hinata Shouyou, sixteen years old, I live with my mom and my sister, I'm here because I'm schizophrenic, I like dogs a lot and summer and pretty things like gems and your eyes look like gems so you're pretty, therefore I like you."  
Too many words were thrown at him at once, Kageyama wasn't at all ready for that much amount of effort Hinata was putting on keeping a conversation between them. He said he had schizophrenia, did that mean... Well, piecing two and two together, it only made sense he could be the one that screamed his lungs out in exasperation back there, he was last to come, and his illness made it a bit clearer to figure out, he wasn't completely sure though. But, wait, did he actually call him pretty?...He knew little things for sure, but if Tobio had strong faith in something, was in the fact that he wasn't, in any way, anything near pretty.  
"I'm as far from the word pretty in any given context, meaning or sentence than from getting out of here cured. I'm more familiar with it's evil cousin, hideous, we get along pretty well, we compliment each other, you could say, match made in hell."  
Hinata wasn't sure what to feel or say right now. He wanted to hug Kageyama, scold him, reassure him... and... laugh? As much as he enjoyed dark humor, and he did say it in a humorous tone, this wasn't a good moment to laugh, so why did he even think of that? Shouyou sulked unintentionally on his seat, feeling guilty all of a sudden. Kageyama didn't fail to notice his... new friend? Yeah, he'd call him that for now, sulking that way. He slowly reached with shaky hands towards the fluffy hair Hinata had, finally making it to his head and slowly ruffling the caramel eyed boy's surprisingly soft orange hair.  
Hinata froze, he felt such warmth coming from the big hand stroking his hair, his whole body felt strange, did he need to go to the bathroom? Did he get nervous? What even made him do that? Did he look...that frail? As he decided it was better to run for it and head to the bathroom, he heard something that stopped him.  
"...I'm sorry, I can be a bit overdramatic sometimes, I promise to be a bit more... careful with words, from now on, but only with you, got it?"  
That was...weird. He felt a warm sensation spread like a balm around his aching chest. He didn't say anything special, he didn't even say anything that could cause this emotion in anyone. Yet he felt it, he felt at complete ease when Tobio stroked his hair and spoke to him. It felt different from his mom's, it felt... like he had been meaning to meet him way sooner, like they should have met years ago... like they belonged...together. But as friends, of course, Shouyou wasn't trying to... force anything...weird...  
God, why was he so awkward, even on his own mind?!  
Hinata tried to collect himself again, he was embarassed to no end, was he seriously getting a crush? At a time like this? Honestly, how-

"How selfish can you be?"

The voice of a man whispered severe from behind him. He came back, he was the most persistent of all, he enjoyed making him suffer the most.  
His whole body tensed up.

Tobio scanned his friend's face silently, he looked like he was someplace else, he was spacing out, so he kept ruffling and stroking his hair gently. With a quick look around the room, he noticed everyone was either too busy chatting away or crying because of the movie, even asleep, so he felt it was safe enough to do as much as that whitout anyone starting some stupid rumor or any stupid shit of the sorts. If he was there it was against his will, to begin with, any interaction with other human beings was useless and pointless, it only caused harm and pain, therefore it was to be erradicated or minimized.  
Hinata though, he felt different. It was like... having... a small, defenseless puppy?

He couldn't be seriously comparing Shouyou to a dog, that was just...wrong.  
As Kageyama was now lost in thought, Shouyou came back to his senses, looking back at the room he was in and at the unmoving hand gently resting on top of his head, warm and firm. Hinata slowly reached and gently took Tobio's hand from his hair, to proceed and toy with the seemingly out of it boy next to him. He stared at the slightly calloused hands before his eyes, slender and long fingers extended from it, decorated with vaguely long fingernails atop of them. They had a gentle feel to them, yet they looked firm and strong. As the redhead was about to turn his hand around to see his palms, he felt the hand twitch and squirm softly as to be freed. Kageyama was staring at the honey colored eyes before his, fear reflected in his eyes as well as a sensation of uneasiness spreading inside his chest, making his breathing faintly erratic. He glanced the other way and quietly mustered. "...Sorry, It just...isn't very much of a pretty sight if you look for much longer."  
Of course it isn't, I fucked my whole arm up and now it looks like a gruesome version of a very thin and very red piano. Tobio thought.

Hinata gently smiled at him, noding once and letting his arm free. He didn't notice, but he got hold of his whole arm in the process of inspecting. Science, it works wonders.  
He felt like this wasn't a normal way to start a friendship, no matter how you looked at it. They were so comfortable up until now with each other, sure, Kageyama was reticent and a bit too tense sometimes, but he knew he meant no harm with that, he knew the cold eyed boy enjoyed his presence as well, didn't he?...Did...did he? Then the same man spoke in his head, now again.  
"No, of course not, you dumbass."  
Hinata felt his breath itch all of a sudden, he tried to hide how he flinched and tried to cover one his ears with his shoulder, poorly at that. He felt it was useless, so he stopped as soon as he tried. This was war and he had lost the fight long, long ago.

Tobio was about to tell him, "It's okay, I want to show you" "I don't mind" "Please go on, I enjoy your touch", yet he had to swallow those innocent words, as he heard one of the ward members yelling, whilst she clapped for attention.

"Everyone get on your seats, breakfast's coming."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would it be okay to say that this scenarios are just personal past awkward experiences? No? Okay I'll see myself out.  
> I'm sorry this is such a fluffy and horribly written chapter, I just needed some innocent "just friends subconsciously and unconsciously pinning and caring for each other" chapter. Anyways I hope ya stay tunned for next chapter which I promise there will be more story development. It'll be parent visiting hours, and doctors come over to agree or disagree to discuss street time, which is like playground time but with ur parents.


	5. Getting used to it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama is just a teenage boy with your average teenage boy necessities, he's just unaware. Hinata's kind of a mess, emotionally, but in the good way, don't worry. Does this count as an Inception AU since they share a dream? No? Ok sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay, fasten your belts this is gonna be trippy. Also warning about very very slight NSFW insinuations? Idk It's 4 AM let's go.

It was raining, and Saturday. A rainy Saturday and he was trapped in a clean, boring white room with a rather oddly bright boy sleeping right next to him. Shouyou's chest puffed up, holding his breath out of surprise when he heard the taller one let out a simple chuckle in his sleep, breaking the thick silence.  
Well, that was unexpected. Hinata knew that it was a silly concept, the one of Kageyama being stone cold and devoid of positive emotions, but still, it felt like the right theory and as if it had to remain like that forever. Moreover, he couldn't help but be curious now, what even made the frowny boy chuckle in his sleep? Maybe he was dreaming of his family? Last night they told each other some family related stuff, well, more him than Tobio. He wasn't complaining though, he already said quite a lot for his usual grumpy attitude, but he knew there could be more to the things he shared.

Hinata sat with his body leaning forward on the side of his bed, looking at the window for a brief moment to contemplate the pouring rain and gray, bright light that shone unpleasantly against their small window. As he turned his head back, he saw a pair of half lidded eyes stare back at his wide open ones. His lips curled in small smile and his eyes became shut as the smile spread across his features. It was his silent way of saying good morning, and oh, did the owner of those blue eyes appreciate that silence. His head felt bloated, and he felt like throwing up, he felt weak. He shouldn't have eaten all of the course last night, the effort for his stomach was being too great and he was regretting it, greatly.  
Shouyou ran a pale, small hand through his hair. He took a deep breath, and with scratchy, flat voice he spoke, his eyes fixated on the joke of a wardrobe that they shared, as if it were going to talk to him anytime soon.

"...What did you dream?" He said.

Kageyama kept silent for a long minute, processing the question. The question was simple; what did he dream? Dreams, a word, simple, yet intangible for his brain, it scaped all logic, or concordance, it didn't mean anything and if it did he didn't understand. Dream, that word felt to him like those times you repeat a word so much, or you hear it so often in a small period of time, that all of a sudden, it feels foregin, it feels strange and forms itself a mysterious mist around it. What did it mean? To him, at least, what was he being asked?  
Kageyama sat slowly on his bed, staring at Hinata in silence, unknowingly piercing the other with his gaze. He wanted to know what he meant with his words. His body felt strangely light, but heavy, at the same time. He felt a weird strong booming inside his chest, and his lungs felt about to give up, as if air had extinguixed in the area surrounding him. This would usually make him feel ill, yet, he felt... awfully good. He felt weirdly good, content... and inconsistent.

"...Am I dreaming right now?"-He finally asked, his eyes inspected the other figure before them. The brown eyed boy before him didn't seem to quite catch the question, or rather, he seemed amused by it. He was reacting in a weird way, alright. "-...Are you part of my dream?..." -His head tilted slightly, confusion clear on the furrow of his brow."-Or are you-?" He was cut off by a sudden ring of giggling and cackles.

The smaller boy didn't seem to understand at first. His cheeks turned subconsciously a light shade of red. Did he mean something by that? W-was he trying to flirt with him? His mind raced back and forth, trying to find words to reply correctly, but to no avail, so it seemed. Hinata fell silent.  
Kageyama thought of the lack of response and the almost perfect stillness of the orange haired boy as a confirmation to his suspicion, this was, in fact, not real. This was, a so called dream. Something that your mind makes up to evade you from reality, your reality. But this wasn't what he expected. Not who he usually expected in this, realm of dreams.  
He got down of the tall bed with a simple stretch of his legs, touching the ground with his bare feet. He tried to distinguish any new sensations, but everything felt familiar, at least that much he could tell. He walked through the cold clean floor, his faint reflection showing on it as he passed. He unknowingly made his way to the other boy, who's eyes stared at some far away place, he seemed to be spacing out. Maybe this wasn't a dream? Maybe this whole surreal situation was indeed happening. The hospital, the cold floor, his pajamas, a boy, this particular boy...

"Is it... my desire... my will... to dream of this? To dream of you?" Tobio spoke, mostly to himself, and spit went down his throat. He felt as if he were sweating profusely, but not a bead of sweat, a small evidence of wetness, anything, was to be seen or felt. This was really... something.

Kageyama slowly sat on the opposite side of Hinata's bed, gazing at his pale and soft features. His bigger, slightly tanner hand reached out to Shouyou's face, and as it planted itself on the other's soft cheek, the redhead seemed to come back from his spell, staring right back at Kageyama. He smiled, as if a wave of familiar warmth overcame him, sitting closer to Kageyama, his strong yet pretty slender arms wrapping themselves around the black haired one's torso.

"...Good morning to you too, Tobio." Hinata spoke, like one greets someone they've known for years after a sleepover.

This was... really weird, it felt... kinda wrong, or so Kageyame thought. Not wrong in a morally wrong way, this was his dream, this wouldn't affect the other in reality. This felt wrong as to why did he deserve this...affection? What did he do to earn this? That started to frighten him, yet he wanted to give in to this dream, he wanted to fight the urge of running away and embrace this pleasant yet foregin situation.  
His lips curled into a subtle yet pretty awkward smile. Hinata chuckled and sat on his knees, his arms now on the taller one's shoulders.

"What, aren't you going to say anything?" The light haired one pouted, a mischevous smile dancing on his lips. -"Not even a simple goodmorning kiss?"-his caramel colored eyes sparkled when he giggled quietly."-That's a huge step back, stone cold boy..."-He said, a playful tone on his voice."-I might as well have to do it myself, mhm!"

Kageyama was smiling, but why was he smiling? This was terribly embarassing, and nerve wracking, to say the least, so why didn't he feel like that? He didn't feel like himself, he felt like he was just a stranger, peeking on others via another body. He felt now that he was moving on his own, his body, precisely speaking. He didn't command his arms to curl around the smaller's waist and pull him closer. Suddenly, after a long period of silence, the stranger's mouth opened.

"Don't worry, I can do that much, boke."

He felt his eyes close, wait, not close, they were half lidded, he could still see the other boy, who's nose nuzzled his now. And then he leaned in. He did it, well, not he, the stranger that had his body and was moving it on its own, but, nevertheless, himself. He kissed Hinata. His chapped lips were brushing softly against Shouyo's softer ones. It was short, it wasn't longer than a bunch of seconds, but a kiss was still a kiss.

Now he felt this was wrong, as in morally wrong. He was peeking in someone else's dream, living it like a parasite for them, and moreover he was... enjoying it. He felt sick of himself, because he wanted to do it again.  
Letting out a frustrated breath, he, or rather, his body, managed it's way to sit on the middle of the other's bed, crossing his legs and accomodating the smaller boy on his lap. Hinata seemed surprised at this. Yet his now lighthearted smile never faltered.

"Well, now that's quite the surprise, you...you actually did it."-Hinata left a peck on Tobio's chin, one of his hands atop the blueberry boy's ones. He was visibly embarassed, and clearly still processing the situation. Kageyama couldn't help but chuckle, he thought he looked adorable and rather funny.

Suddenly, for some reason, Hinata's expression emptied itself, a plain emotionless smile directed at Kageyama's face. His voice sounded almost like a recording, like words someone else made him memorize just for this moment."-...But now it's time for you to wake up, Tobio."

This... was a dream, after all. He couldn't get himself to be angry, or shocked. He kind of already guessed, he kind of already knew what was coming, but still... Kageyama felt his eyes start to water, his vision was blurring, he couldn't see Hinata well. This wasn't right, it didn't feel right.  
He heard himself whimper, shaking his head in denial, unacceptable, is what this was. A bitter smile adorned his features, and the smalled one seemed to let his programmed exoression falter for a second, looking as shocked and sad as the other, only for a second.  
The raven haired boy felt both his cheeks get cupped, gently pushed towards the other's face, their foreheads touched. He didn't know he had been actually crying, this all felt so frustrating.  
Soft thumbs caressed in a back and forth pattern along his cheekbones, as to dry his tears away. Tears, he was so sick of them.

The programmed voice came out of Hinata's lips once more, calm sounding, it was nervewracking, everything felt like it was fading away at a scary pace yet this voice seemed unaltered by it. "You have to wake up, and get used to it."

The blue eyed boy didn't understand. What did he mean by that? Why was he being refused and extirped from happiness as soon as it was given to him, even if for a brief moment, for a few minnutes? Afer all this months and years of nothing but pain, why was this happening?  
More tears welled up in his eyes. This was cruel. He wanted love too, he wanted affection too, even if it was fake, he needed it.  
He... needed it? That felt way too strong of a sentence to say. Kageyama was having a hard time processing the situation and organizing his mind and feelings, everything was moving too fast around him for him to catch up.

"What do you mean by that? Why are you leaving me alone?" Tobio heaved again, soft pants coming from his mouth. Hinata, or what looked like Hinata at least, planted a tender kiss on his nose.

"You have to get used to it. Your feelings."- His deep blue gaze wandered slowly from the bed sheets to this doppleganger's light brown ones. He was confused, and becoming quite exhausted.- "Get used to them, and to other's feelings. There's so much you can have, and you will have it if you get used to feelings."-The redhead smiled one last time, before everything started fading. A bright light, it was white, all of it."-You have me, on the other side, you just have to...  
get used to me."

.  
.  
.  
.  
"KA-GE-YA-MA!!"-A familiar voice screamed in whispers, which came out rather on the loud side. Not exactly how one wants to get woken up. A small pair of hands shook him gently, the owner seemed alerted. "-What happens?! Wake up, dammit!"

Tobio felt himself swaying about, his eyelids heavy, and his cheeks warm. Had his tears from his dream come with him to reality? Didn't seem like it, his cheeks felt dry.  
Ah, that's right, this was reality. No avoiding it now, this was the real deal. And he truly, really despised it.  
Yet... the one who was calling him, shaking him in such a worried tone, was none other than the real, tangible version of Hinata, this boy he met now two days ago, who had been his roommate for the same amount of time, and who...seemed to have caused a stirr up in him, proven to be rather a nuisance, a cute one, that messed with the beating in his chest in fiction. Tobio looked at the boy before him and then casted his gaze downwards, taking one of his hands to his forehead, still dizzy. And then he was mortified, blood quickly rushing to his cheeks. He had quite the troublesome problem making itself rather obvious inside his pants, and now for sure he didn't know what was more embarassing, his dream, or having to deal with this in reality.  
With speed you wouldn't expect from a very recently woken person, Kageyama tossed his pillow across his lap, legs crossed and back quickly pressed against the header of the bed to simulate a casual sitting position.

"Y-yes hi, goodmorning, I'm fine, what." He finally stuttered.

More than a sentence it seemed like a race of words, and Hinata couldn't help but to chuckle. Just like his dream self. That only made the blue eyed one ache more.  
He pressed his lips in a firm line, staring at the bathroom door and praying they would come to open the bathrooms soon. Which, given the fact they had no clock, he didn't know when that would be. Wait, he did wear a watch, but, where did he leave it at?

Hinata stared at Kageyama's rather flustered expression, and slowly started piecing one and two together. Eyes glassy, cheeks flushed red, breathing rather unsteady and his hands firmly pressed the pillow against his lap. What did he dream about that has him so shak-...  
Wait.  
Oh wait.  
Oh.  
Of course. The pillow "trick". Obviously.  
It was the orange haired boy's turn to have his cheeks turn a soft shade of pink, as he couldn't do anything but wonder what he dreamed about for him to be in this situation. Surely it was just a pretty...girl... Of course he would be getting all worked up for a girl, every guy Hinata ever had an interest in was either straight or not interested. He did have luck with the girls though, back then, when he didn't see things or hear voices, when he actually wasn't this afraid of social contact.  
But still.... He felt suddenly really saddened by the thought.  
Nontheless, he was an optimistic person, he couldn't give up just on assumptions he made himself! He had to at least try.  
His smile came back.  
"So, how are you, putting aside your horribly hidden bone-"  
Kageyama felt his heart about to give up. So he did what he knew best to do when he felt threatened. Shout.  
"S-Shut up!!...Hinata boke!"  
The doppleganger him in his dream said that word too, and his mouth just let it slip, it came naturally, like breathing. And he quite liked it. Hinata let out a giggle, obviously amused by how terribly Tobio was handling the situation. And then he rephrased his sentence. "Very well, then, how are you now?"  
Hinata asked with a gentle tone, his smile never faltering, the smile that made Tobio recall what the caramel eyed boy's double said in his dream. "Get used to it, feelings. Get used to them, get used to me."

As Shouyo waited for an answer, and was about to repeat himself, thinking the other was too absentminded at the moment and didn't hear him properly, Kageyama replied, and he didn't understand what he meant, but it made him happy, surprisingly and unexplicably happy. He wouldn't quite know why, he couldn't exactly put his finger on it, but he felt like life was going to slowly take a turn.

"I'm getting used to it. I'm trying to."  
"Everyone! Get up! It's time to rise and shine! Bathrooms open time!" A loud obnoxious voice echoed in the hallway, earning many unhappy grunts and displeased mumbles from the patients, who still needed sleep. That wasn't Kageyama's case though, and so it seemed Hinata's either. The both of them sighed, one out of relief and the other out of utter disappointment.  
Hinata huffed, making his way back to his bed and starting to rearrange it. While gathering his towel and shampoo in the process, he started to think on what the dark haired boy meant by those words. 'Maybe...just maybe, we...' the short boy shook his head and displayed a bitter smile on his face as he puffed the rather unpuffable pillow. 'We couldn't have ever shared a dream, that's impossible.' He thought.

Kageyama sighed in relief as he gathered his stuff for the shower in the blink of an eye. Surely, he must have looked like an idiot when saying that out of nowhere, but, somehow, deep down inside himself, he felt like Hinata understood what he meant.  
Awkwardly enough, and with a pillow shielding his front, he made his silent walk of shame towards the shower, avoiding eye contact as much as possible with the other.

They both seemed to have silently agreed, Kageyama would go in first today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you got this far, congratulations. I tend to write weird "in dreams" stuff that even I have a hard time making sense of, so yes, congratulations. Also sorry for the delay I've been with no wifi for a few days. Also owo what's this, will they end up together who knows who knows. (Everyone knows but shh)

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't excel at writing prologues... But on another note, I hope you look forward to the rest of the fic. Hope you find this fic like pills for a headache and kisses from your loved ones <3


End file.
